Gestapo: Is it the Vicious Dunks?

It's been five long seasons since team Gestapo last stepped foot on the frozen tundra of post-season competition and another season still since the franchise experienced the glory of their 2003 championship. In the years since, Gestapo and its harried helmsman have paced the league with scoring greats like Frank Gore, Steven Jackson, Andre Johnson, and the venerable Ted Ginn, Jr, yet one thing seems to elude them: victories.

How is it that the 2009 scoring champion is not in the post-season? How can it be that the owner of two (previously three) consensus top-10 dynasty quarterbacks, two consensus top-5 running backs, a consensus top-3 dynasty wide receiver, a consensus top-3 dynasty tight end, and a string of young talent is not able to get of out the regular season?

The list of stumbles is staggering and seemingly endless. In 2006, the campaign prior to the conversion to dynasty (hereafter referred to exclusively as The Reformation), team Gestapo (6-7) was the victim of the Total Points Tiebreaker. Sharp 703 historians will recall Herr Elwood had conquered the foul stench of the Plague (6-7) twice during the regular season, yet found himself behind in points and as such, relegated to the Toilet Bowl with the other vermin. Following this unfortunate sequence, Herr Elwood spearheaded a brilliantly successful campaign to abolish the Total Points Tiebreaker in favor of a seemingly more just Head-to-Head Tiebreaker.

In the Year of Reformation, team Gestapo finished 7-6-1 without much fanfare but showed the first inklings of a dynasty stalwart and entered 2008, or Year 2 AR (After Reformation), with lofty expectations. As imagined, Team Gestapo saw its players plaster the top-10 scorer list repeatedly and finished 3^rd overall in points and 3^rd in all-play record. Success!? Nay, young scholar – their 7-7 record produced an unimpressive resumé for post-season consideration and frustration began.

This season, Herr Elwood guided his squad to even more impressive heights at 1^st overall in points and 2^nd overall in all-play. Success at long last?! Double-nay, fruitloop – team Gestapo's 8-6 record found them in a tie with team Donkey. But wait! Surely Herr Elwood's masterful total points figure would put the squad in the playoffs for the first time since 3 BR! ..right? Well as fate would have it, team Gestapo became the first victim of the Head-to-Head Tiebreaker.

So just what is it that has cursed this franchise? Is it the vicious dunks? Is it the haircut? Is it the shoooes??? No, Spike.. they wear adidas.

Theories abound. Tabloids far and wide speak of gross infidelities involving Gestapo players and reality TV trash. Insiders fear mutiny within the ranks. Nothing is substantial, but one anonymous 703 source (who shall remain nameless) laments,

"I made the logo for him, and I think it's a contributing factor which has kept me from winning the championship." – Oakton Juggernaut

So there you have it, Mr. Lee. It's not the vicious dunks and it's not the sambas – it's the name. Perhaps it's time for a change, Herr Elwood?

just 'cause the redskins suck....

doesn't mean they don't score fantasy points!!!!

I think some people think that players on a shitty team are useless in fantasy football. Not true. It fact some players on shitty teams are valuable. Jason Campbell is on a shitty team but has scored 10+ pts/game except for 1 game. This DOES NOT make him a bad number 2 fantasy QB (I'm not saying he's an every week starter but c'mon!). I know that QB's such as JaMarcus Russell and anyone that is the starting QB for the Browns are shitty, but you can't just dismiss a player because he is on a horrible team.

We're at the point in the season where some teams are trying to make a run (Legion, Mind, Donkey, Plague, Gestapo, Bullets) and some teams are already in the rebuilding process (Sunday, West Canaan, Neverborn, Oakton). Don't reject trades just because you think you're getting a raw deal. Just because a guy has scored 100+ pts in 8 weeks doesn't mean he will pay off in the future. If I offer you 4 starters for your 2 best players and 2 guys that shouldn't be on anyones roster, TAKE THAT SHIT! If I, or anyone else, sends a trade that has some picks for an old guy, TAKE THAT SHIT! Jesus Christ, you can't always come away from a trade thinking you screwed the other guy over, it just doesn't work that way.

I know what you're all thinking: "What an asshole. Donkey always rejects my trades and never counters. I send equal trades and never see anything back.". BULLSHIT. I reject trades that are ridiculous (i.e., any trade Oakton sends out...trust me, if you haven't gotten an offer from Oakton, you haven't had a good laugh.), and if there is a decent offer on the board, I'm more than wiling to counter. However, I'm not in "rebuild" mode, so of course I'm not offering up DeSean Jackson, Brent Celek, Matt Shaub, Aaron Rodgers, etc. I'm trying to win now, so I'm offering the best I have to give without throwing away my starters.

This is a trade I made before the season started:

• Donkey gave up Witten, Jason DAL TE; Year 2009 Round 3 Draft Pick from Mindcrickets
• Gestapo gave up Jackson, DeSean PHI WR

These are trades I've offered this season:

• Donkey offers Campbell, Jason WAS QB;Bradshaw, Ahmad NYG RB;Jacobs, Brandon NYG RB;Evans, Lee BUF WR; Year 2010 Round 2 Draft Pick from Donkey
• The Neverborn for Davis, Nate SFO QB;Jones-Drew, Maurice JAC RB;Colston, Marques NOS WR;Schilens, Chaz OAK WR

• Donkey offers Edwards, Braylon NYJ WR;Evans, Lee BUF WR; Year 2010 Round 3 Draft Pick from Donkey;Year 2010 Round 3 Draft Pick from Gestapo
• Legion of Doom for Green-Ellis, BenJarvus NEP RB;Welker, Wes NEP WR

• Donkey offers Bradshaw, Ahmad NYG RB;Jacobs, Brandon NYG RB;Edwards, Braylon NYJ WR
• Legion of Doom for Bush, Michael OAK RB;McFadden, Darren OAK RB;Welker, Wes NEP WR

I'm not just trading to trade and I assume that no one will take anything away from this blog, but I'm willing to at least waste my time typing to get a counter to any trade I might throw out there.

Stirring the pot,

Team Donkey

Week 9

Notes

• It's a three-way circlejerk atop the Norris with 3 teams sporting 5-3 records. Mindcrickets leads due to head-to-head victories over Legion of Doom and Donkey, but all parties involved have one more game against each other so anything can happen.
  
• The wild card race is similarly tight, with the Bullets, Legion, and Donkey sitting at 5-3 while Gestapo and Neverborn are 4-4. Oakton is still alive at 3-5.
  
• Plague is out in front of the Patrick as usual, thanks in part to facing the lowest points against this season. With Owen Daniels going down, will the tide finally turn in the Patrick?
  
• Slackers and West Canaan are struggling at 1-7, but neither is nearly as hurting as some of 703's past bottom teams. This bodes very well for the league's future stability and we should expect each team to play spoiler in the coming weeks.
  

New Records

• Even Maximumer Pwnage – Neverborn trounced the all-time high score by dropping 231.32 on West Canaan in week 6, a game which also stands as the 2^nd highest combined score in 703 history. Interestingly, West Canaan was also the victim of the highest combined score when he lost to the Blood Orange 192.8 to 181.26 back in 2007. Lastly, this game was only the 3^rd 100-point victory in 703 lore.
  
• It Just Get Worse – West Canaan now has 7 losses in a row, good for 4^th all-time and only 2 behind the leader in the clubhouse (Ickey Shuffles, 9 in 2008)
  
• On the Other Hand – Plague's 6-game winning streak is one game behind the longest ever streak of 7, set by both Oakton and T Real in 2007.
  
• Kicking Game – Oakton's Ryan Longwell put up 16 in week 6, good for 4^th all-time by a kicker
  
• Still has Some Playas – West Canaan has had a few bright spots: Tom Brady's 39.2 in week 6 is the highest QB score all-time, and Vernon Davis' 34.3 in week 7 is the 2^nd highest TE score
  
• Yet Again – Donkey benched Matt Schaub in week 6 for 30.68 points, tied with the same exact score from Schaub on his bench in week 2, good for 4^th all-time highest bench QB score
  
• D'oh – Legion of Doom missed out on Chris Johnson's 37.9 points in week 8, the 4^th highest RB bench score in 703 lore
  
• And Another Blunder – Slackers left Zach Miller on the bench for 25.9 in week 6, the 5^th highest TE bench score
  

The Matchups

• Gestapo (4-4) at Oakton Juggernaut (3-5) – the all-time series is split at 1-1. Each team must win to keep pace in the playoff hunt and the loser will likely fall out of his division race.
  
• Neverborn (4-4) at Donkey (5-3) – Very big playoff implications. A loss by Neverborn may drop him out of the Patrick race, while Donkey must keep pace in the Norris. The ass won both prior meetings.
  
• Washington Bullets (5-3) at Legion of Doom (5-3) – This huge matchup could easily end up being the wild-card tiebreaker. First meeting between the two squads.
  
• Sunday Slackers (1-7) at Mindcrickets (5-3) – The records may be far apart, but Slackers has maintained a competitive score each week and the Crickets can't take the matchup lightly. First meeting.
  
• Plague (7-1) at West Canaan Coyotes (1-7) – two teams moving in opposite directions, but the all-time series is tied at 1-1 with the Coyotes notching a 140.12-132.58 victory in week 14 of 2008.
  

Week 6

Notes

• The standings have been shifting rapidly with several streaks going on: Plague, Bullets, Legion, and Oakton have all won 2 or more in a row, while Neverborn, Slackers, Mindcrickets, and West Canaan have all lost 2 or more in a row.
  
• Ouch – 8 teams own a player in the top-10 points-per-game scorers. Bullets and West Canaan do not..
  

New Records

• Maximum pwnage: Oakton's 175.86-87.5 throttling of West Canaan in week 5 now stands as the 5^th most intense shellacking in 703 history. Mindcrickets' 202.18-76.62 drubbing of the now-defunct Ickey Shuffles franchise in week 9 of 2007 still paces the field.
  
• Yo you shouldsa started hims: Gestapo now owns three of the top five all-time "most points by a bench player" marks with Miles Austin's 47 bills in week 5, good for 2^nd on the list. Oakton's Kevin Curtis dropped 51.1 in week 3 of 2007 to claim the top spot.
  
• Kyle Boller sends his regards: Oakton's SF 49ers defense bested the recently set "most points in a game by a starting defense" record with 39 points in week 4.
  
• Newbie jumps in the mix: Sunday Slackers got himself into the record books with Antonio Gates' 33.4 points in week 4, good for the 2^nd most all-time by a starting TE. Donkey's 34.8 from Jason Witten in week 14 of 2007 still stands as the number to beat.
  

All-Time Series

• Plague v. Neverborn – Plague now leads 4-1 all-time.
  
• Mindcrickets v. Bullets – Bullets now leads 3-0 all-time
  
• Gestapo v. Slackers – Gestapo wins the inaugural contest.
  
• Donkey v. Legion of Doom – Doom wins a squeaker in the first meeting of many to come
  
• West Canaan v. Oakton – Oakton takes the lead 2-1.
  

Coming Up

• Gestapo v. Mindcrickets – The insects hold a 2-0 advantage. Both teams need a win to stay in their division races.
  
• Plague v. Oakton – Series tied 1-1. Two winning streaks collide.
  
• Neverborn v. West Canaan – The canis latrans lead the all-time series 2-0. Two losing streaks collide.
  
• Bullets v. Donkey – Series tied 1-1. 3-2 v. 4-1 = matchup of the week?
  
• Slackers v. Legion of Doom – Inaugural soiree of the new franchises

Week 3

Notes

• Neverborn: first 3-0 start evah. Shaky QB depth..
  
• Gestapo: maintains the overall scoring lead, but loses a key piece in Frank Gore.
  
• Plague: big win. Willis McGahee > DeAngelo Williams ?
  
• Bullets: grabs the weekly high score. Giving up way too many points, as usual
  
• Slackers: slow start, but making moves on waivers and trades to get back in it
  
• Donkey: takes sole possesion of the Norris top spot. . and of impending suckitude
  
• Mindcrickets: zero TDs won't happen again, excited to thump Oakton
  
• Legion of Doom: good start, making moves to stay in the race
  
• West Canaan: still boasting a nice starting lineup, finally getting TE production
  
• Oakton: nearing rebuild mode? Gotta get off the schneid soon
  

New Records

• None. We suck.
  

All-Time Series

• Legion v. Gestapo – the German gets the inaugural win
  
• Mindcrickets v. Plague – Plague pays the refs to notch another victory, 3-1 now
  
• Oakton v. Neverborn – the upstart Neverborn wins again but trails the series 2-1
  
• West Canaan v. Bullets – Washington closes the gap, 2-1 now
  
• Donkey v. Slackers – the dense equine goes up 1-0
  

Coming Up

• Gestapo v. Plague – storied rivalry sits at 3-1 Plague, with Gestapo's last week coming in week 11 of 2007
  
• Legion of Doom v. Neverborn – first meeting
  
• Slackers v. Bullets – first meeting
  
• West Canaan v. Donkey – series tied 1-1, with Donkey scoring only 88.78 in the last meeting
  
• Oakton v. Mindcrickets – series tied 1-1, with Mindcrickets winning last years shootout 144.44 to 126.38

Week 2

Tough Breaks

• The Washington Bullets scored the 3^rd most points in a loss in 703 history with 160.24.
  
• On Sunday night Oakton Juggernaut watched his 2008 1^st round rookie pick put up 31 points, vaulting him to WR #1 so far in 2009. Unfortunately Mario Manningham was dropped after week 6 last year and is now property of the Legion of Doom. Ouch. 
  

New Records

• Legion of Doom's Chris Johnson scored 55.4 points, most of them in the first half, to become the highest scoring single player in 703 lore, breaking the previous record of 50.5 by Adrian Peterson in 2007.
  
• The Washington Bullets once again appear in the record books, this time thanks to Dallas Clark's 31.3 points on Monday night, which is the 4^th highest total for a starting TE in 703 history.
  
• Donkey graces the record books this week and, true to his name, stupidly left Matt Schaub on the bench to record 30.68 points, the 4^th highest QB bench score in 703 lore. Nevermind that Mindcrickets hold the undisputed record with Trent Edwards' 34.72 in 2008.
  

Doughnuts

• Plague dropped a tough game to Donkey, with special thanks to a nice ZERO from Greg Jennings, who supposedly played the whole game.
  
• Legion of Doom also recorded two bagels with Zach Miller and Wes Welker but still pulled out the victory against Oakton Juggernaut.
  
• Sunday Slackers and Gestapo each pulled the dreaded -3 points from their defenses, the lowest possible score. That's two weeks in a row for Gespacho.
  

All-Time Series

• Plague v. Donkey – now tied at 2-2
  
• Slackers v. Neverborn – Neverborn takes the lead 1-0
  
• Bullets v. Gestapo – Gestapo cuts the deficit to 3-2 Bullets
  
• Oakton v. Legion – Legion christens the new rivalry with a win
  
• West Canaan v. Mindcrickets – Mind cuts the deficit to 4-2 W.C.
  

Coming Up

• Legion v. Gestapo – first meeting
  
• Mindcrickets v. Plague – Plague leads 2-1 overall, including a victory in last year's 703 Bowl.
  
• Oakton v. Neverborn – Oakton leads 2-0
  
• West Canaan v. Bullets – West Canaan leads 2-0
  
• Donkey v. Slackers – first meeting

Site changes

Redesigned the site a bit, hope you all like it. Let me know if any functionality is missing.